Taking out the Trash

January 28, 2012

Taking out the Trash

by: Phriend Lee

I want something for my readers; and that is reliability. Do you believe me when I say I want to bring forth the unscrupulous in our society so that their lack of scruples may be judged accordingly? It is with this desire that I bring before my readers an odorous piece of trickery in league with Jimmy Hoffa’s jury tampering and double-dealing or as insidious as Whitey Bulger’s multifarious deceits and his sticky fingers.

The culprit is the curiously aloof and nearly anonymous Dining Services at Vermont University, or VMU, in Burlingston. I recently learned of the goings on by a part-time employee and full-time student at VMU named Sarah Moffett. Ms. Moffett told me in confidence that not only does the University waste an exorbitant amount food after sports games and on-campus functions, but that the public is being duped into believing that the tripartite disposal system; labeled trash, compost and recycle, all ends up in exactly the same place, the dump.

The VMU Manager of Dining Services, Jonathan Bergen, did not return my calls regarding this atrocity, and so I was forced to investigate myself.

I found that it was amazingly easy to gain access to the kitchens of any facility at VMU. At the student center kitchen, the largest on campus, I was able to enter through the door without even as much as a passing glances by the employees.

Ms. Moffett informed me that access to the dumpster was past the freezers and refrigerators in the back of the kitchen. I waited for an employee to empty the receptacles in the main dining room and followed them into the kitchen.

We walked past the desert trays and salad stations; on past the refrigerators labeled “hamburger” and “horsemeat” and around by the ice cream storage. The employee then confirmed my suspicions by grouping all three bags together and depositing them in the dumpster along with all the other trash.

I cannot tell you how betrayed I feel by the University, especially since Vermont University promotes itself as an environmentally conscious center of learning. Perhaps Mr. Bergen of Dining Services should respond to these allegations rather than letting his answering machine do the talking for him.

Your P.A.L.

Egregious Acts and Seedy Dealings in the Free Press

by Phriend Authoritative Lee (P.A.L) 

This is not a story I wanted to write, but I have no choice but to bring to light terrible happenings and deceitful interactions at the Burlingston Free Press. I am (for the time being) employed as a columnist under Executive Editor, Jennifer Venson. I have access to material that is classified: employee records, distribution contracts, telephone records and expense reports. It is though the careful examination of such materials that I have unearthed a truly heinous crime being inflicted upon the upstanding citizens of the Greater Burlingston Community. Ms. Venson, the seemingly dutiful editor of our seemingly reliable Free Press has sneakily duped the public into believing she was once a gainfully employed employee at the Charlotte Observer in Charlotte, North Carolina from the years 1999-2003 as the Editor of the Business and Metro Sections, as well as a staff writer for some time. Her own resume states her experience as follows:

           

1999-2001: Charlotte Observer, Charlotte, North Carolina-Staff Writer for the Metro Department.

Topics covered:

-Passage of Local Ordinance 301 describing the proposed creation of a subway system in Charlotte and the public outcry against it.

-Weekly Column entitled “New Charlotte” describing the growing metropolitan area and the trends in the changing populace.

2001-2003: Editor of the Charlotte Observer Metro and Business.

Duties:

-Hired and managed writers for both departments.

-Oversaw and edited all articles for print.

As you can see, Ms. Venson was a busy girl down in Charlotte. Or was she?

After working under Venson for the past four years as a column writer I began to have suspicions about her expertise and her skills as an editor. Often times her critiques of my work showed serious signs of inexperience. I found that she frequently would make comments that were either wrong outright or ineffectual and vague. Being the hard-hitting reporter that I am, I took matters into my own hands three months ago and looked into Venson’s past.

It turns out that Venson not only lied about her time as Editor of the Charlotte Observer Metro and Business Sections, but that she took liberties with her detailing of her time as a staff writer as well.

In my research I have found that Venson was co-editor of the Metro Section from August 2001 until September 2002 and co-editor of the Business Section from February 2001 until she took on the Metro Section and then again from October 2002 until January 2003.

None of those dates line up with her claim of dual editor of the Metro and Business sections from 2001-2003. She was never editor of both, and never was she even the sole editor of a single section of the paper.

As far as her staff writing credits are concerned, she is listed on the employee records for the Charlotte Observer from November 1999 until she was promoted to her co-editorship in August 2001. This lines up with her claim, even if she was only employed for less then two months in 1999. However, the column “New Charlotte” had as many as four different contributors in the time period she claimed to be the sole contributor for.

Burlingston Community, it is not easy for me to bring these terrible truths to the public. I had to search through boxes of back-taxes and expense reports to find the information on Venson. I searched through boxes labeled “Expense Reports 2003-2004”, “Telephone Records 2000-2005”, “Champlain Lake Toxic Waste Cleanup Documents 2004” and  “Burlingston Mayoral Race 2007” to dig up the dirty information on Ms. Venson.

Individuals in the community have had their suspicions about the purported reliability of Jennifer Venson for years.

“I always thought she was a little strange,” remarked Callista Manley, “she was always kind of mean whenever I spoke with her as well. Remember that time we had her over for dinner and she made that offhand remark about my mother’s silverware having a tarnished yet appealing look to it? That was completely uncalled for.”

Uncalled for indeed, just as Jennifer Venson is no expert on silverware, she is no expert on paper editing. She has been lying to the public for years about her expertise as a paper editor. Who can we trust for our news if those employed to edit and contribute to our newspapers are themselves lying, deceitful and conniving liars themselves?

I have brought the truth to the public, it is now the role of duty and justice to bring right to the people and relieve Jennifer Venson of her post at the Burlingston Free Press.